Redefining Success: Why Hard Work Isn’t the Whole Story (And What Really Matters)

nathaliemanning108
May 8
5 min read

Updated: 6 days ago

For years, we’ve been told that success is earned through grit alone — the harder you push, the more you sacrifice, the more worthy you are. But for many of us, especially those who feel life with a sensitive nervous system, a tender heart, or a bruised past, that story never fits.

There’s a different truth that reveals itself when you begin listening to your body instead of the noise. It's a quieter and wiser truth, feeling less like a battle and more like a soft returning. Because the kind of success that lasts isn’t a grind, it’s a frequency and one that your whole being settles into, not something you force yourself toward.

And if you’ve ever felt suffocated by hustle culture, if your body whispered “no more” while the

world demanded “just push harder”, you’re not failing.

You’re waking up.

Why the Playing Field Was Never Level

The old system loves to pretend we all begin on equal ground, but we don’t. Some people grow from fertile soil, held by safety, support, opportunity. Others start in rough terrain with little more than instinct, survival and stubborn hope.

Privilege, resources, timing, trauma, health, single parenthood, chronic illness, access, safety — these shape every path. Hard work alone cannot erase inequality, and when we pretend it can, we create shame where compassion should be.

There is nothing empowering or spiritual about ignoring the complexity of real lives.

The Cost of the ‘Boss Babe’ Fantasy

Even in our hardest seasons, we’re still sold a polished version of success — luxury holidays, flawless routines, effortless six-figure launches. But most of it is performance, curated to look like ease.

Someone might look successful online, but you have no idea what they’re carrying: their mental load, their support system, their grief, their privilege.

Meanwhile, someone living through domestic abuse, parenting alone, managing chronic illness, or rebuilding their life piece by piece often feels like they’re “falling behind,” even though they’re demonstrating a level of strength that never makes it to Instagram.

There is an old saying "when you compare, you'll despair" and therein lies the real problem. And truly — when you compare your reality to someone’s curated surface, how could you possibly feel good about yourself?

Success Is Personal, Not Performative

True success can only be defined from within. I’ve never appreciated myself or my life when I’ve been busy proving my worth or performing for someone else’s expectations. Success, for me, is alignment; in peace, stability, presence and the feeling of being at home in myself.

Maybe success looks like:

• a healthy nervous system

• choosing rest instead of burnout

• making your home feel safe and nurturing

• showing up for a yoga class or a walk

• being present with your child

• staying steady or grounded today

• honouring your sensitivity instead of fighting against it

• trusting your own pace and the timing of your life.

These moments matter and they are not small. They’re the foundations of a meaningful life.

Dream big, yes, and grow, create and reach for more. But it's time to allow our dreams come from alignment and authenticity not from comparison or pressure. It's time to live in your truth, not someone else’s idea of success.

When I Got Sober, I Thought My Life Was Over

In early sobriety everything felt raw. I was angry, overwhelmed, resentful, and convinced everyone else had been handed a map for life that I somehow missed.

Someone suggested I write ten things a day I was grateful for. It felt ridiculous. How could I write about gratitude when everything felt like it was collapsing?

But I was sick of feeling sick, so I tried.

This is where gratitude first became a grounding practice for me — not a spiritual bypass, but a lifeline. A way of redefining what mattered and beginning to build a different kind of success from the inside out.

What Gratitude Has Become for Me Now

In the beginning my list was simple:

“I made it through the day”

“I ate”

“I slept”

“I laughed”

Over time, gratitude became something deeper — a way of choosing peace instead of convincing someone of my truth, a way of choosing myself over relationships that drained me, a way of steadying my nervous system when old patterns wanted to pull me back into chaos.

Every time I stopped explaining, defending or fighting to be believed, something softened. My body settled. My mind quietened.

That, too, is gratitude: the moment you honour yourself instead of abandoning yourself.

Two Decades of Becoming

Over the past 23 years, I’ve lived through seasons I thought would break me.

Divorce.

Becoming a single parent.

Chronic health challenges.

Toxic relationships and friendships.

Fertility struggles and miscarriage.

Sobriety and then emotional sobriety.

Losing a business and rebuilding it.

Starting over again more times than I can count.

And through it all, gratitude helped me breathe.

Not because life was perfect — but because noticing one small good thing reminded my body that not everything was falling apart, even when it felt like it was.

And in the good times? Gratitude lets the joy land and holds the sweetness so it doesn’t pass by unnoticed.

Life is not built in the big milestones. It’s woven together from the small, sacred moments:

A warm hug.

A calm morning.

A breath that doesn’t hurt.

Your child’s laughter.

A feeling of safety you thought you’d lost.

These moments matter. They shape us. They hold everything together.

These moments matter because they add up, they shape us and they hold everything together.

Redefine Your Story

If you’re overwhelmed or stuck in comparison, try this:

Write down ten things you’re grateful for today.

They can be tiny.

They can be ordinary.

They can be imperfect.

And do it again tomorrow.

Let it be a gentle anchor — a reminder to your body that all is not lost. Over time, your system softens. You measure yourself less against someone else’s life. You return to your own path.

In a Nutshell

At the end of the day, life - and success - isn’t linear or glossy but a rhythm that shifts with the seasons of your life. Some days success is simply being here. Other days it’s creating or experiencing something that lights you up.

For me, success is contentment.

An abundance of love.

Quiet moments with my son.

A peaceful mind and a safe home.

Supporting someone to feel better after a class, treatment or event.

Noticing the beauty in the ordinary.

Choosing myself.

So tell me — what’s one small thing you’re grateful for today?

If you’d like to continue the conversation, leave a comment or join me on Instagram @soulcollective.

Let’s redefine success in a way that feels real, kind and sustainable.